Forgiveness Starts at Home:
How Global Forgiveness Day Can Transform Your Inner and Outer Worlds
By Jess Macklin-Mitchell
Global Forgiveness Day takes place every year during the month of July. Created with the goal of encouraging each of us to practice more forgiveness in our everyday lives, this special day asks us to consider how we might extend forgiveness to both ourselves and others.
By setting aside a day each year to pause and reflect on the concept of forgiveness, we are able to evaluate our own ability to let go. We can also identify if there are areas in our lives where we may need to practice more forgiveness.
Although at first glance, it may seem as though this day primarily benefits the person who is being forgiven, it is actually quite the contrary! Global Forgiveness Day is more beneficial to the person who is doing the forgiving. After all, when we don’t practice forgiveness, the burden of a grudge can weigh heavily upon us. Many studies have shown how holding onto grudges and resentment can take a toll on our mental health and may even have links to physical illness. It is through the practice of forgiveness that we can cultivate inner peace and mental health.
How the process of "Letting Go” can benefit your mental health
First things first, letting go is hard, and when someone says to you, “just let it go,” it can be infuriating. However, the act of letting go is not so much a process that comes naturally, but a skill that needs to be learnt. Once you have learned this skill, you can start to practice it regularly and experience its many benefits!
What does the science say?
Letting go and forgiving others can help us to alleviate a variety of mental health conditions, which impact us negatively, such as anxiety, depression and stress! This remarkable improvement in our mental health is due to the fact that holding on to a grudge brings our bodies into a heightened state of stress. When we experience feelings of hurt and resentment, cortisol (the stress hormone), starts to slow down our metabolism (how well we process food), as well as our executive functioning (how well we process our thoughts and make decisions). If left unchecked, these increased levels of cortisol can even affect our heart rate and our cardiovascular health. Yet, by practicing forgiveness, we can come back to homeostasis, regulate our nervous systems, and find our equilibrium and our peace.
In fact, a study conducted at Luther College found that people who practised forgiveness tended to live longer than those who did not. This incredible statistic shows us that the emotional relief that we feel as a result of unburdening ourselves can have a direct link to our longevity. This longer life span also supports the Buddhist sentiment around forgiveness: When you carry a grudge, your feelings of resentment don’t punish the person who hurt you; instead, you are only adding to your own suffering.
When a little becomes a lot!
Our resentment towards others can grow quickly, and it can even go completely unnoticed until it comes out as aggressive outbursts. Often, micro annoyances that go untold and remain unforgiven and unaddressed, can snowball into bigger resentments and even lead to the breakdown of relationships.
In our relationships, our desire to please others and receive love can often overshadow the need to be honest and communicate how we truly feel. We are hesitant to share how someone else’s actions (or inactions) have impacted us. When left unaddressed, these small micro grudges can grow, and they can even cause somatic symptoms such as tension in the shoulders (or other parts of the body), headaches, fatigue and general feelings of malaise.
Researchers have found, however, that the practice of forgiveness can decrease the risk of chronic illness. By sharing our feelings and putting in the work to forgive, we can find the antidote to the hurt that we feel. Communication with our loved ones may also allow us to prevent these grudges from snowballing into massive arguments or leading to feelings of resentment, which continually plague our relationships.
Holistic approaches to forgiveness
As researchers learn more about the mind and the body, there is more agreement that they are not two distinct things and should more accurately be referred to as one “mind-body.” Through this understanding, we can see how mindfulness and somatic practices can help us to alleviate anger, stress and resentment. It is through mindfulness techniques that we can start to observe our uncomfortable emotions, such as anger and resentment, without judgment. We can then start to show compassion towards these emotions, as well as the parts of ourselves that are in pain.
Here are some holistic approaches, which you can try!:
Body Scans:
One mindfulness practice, which can be useful for honouring the physical and emotional feelings that we are carrying, involves meditating on the feelings / sensations that we witness in the body.
To conduct a body scan, which will allow you to feel and process your emotions, follow the steps below!:
Start by closing the eyes or lowering the gaze.
Begin to scan the body until you notice an emotion that you are carrying. Allow yourself to feel the feeling, hold space for it, and observe it without judgement.
For example, if you feel anger, how does it feel? Is the emotion hot, tingly, or stabbing? Where in the body do you feel this anger?
Next, begin to send love and compassion towards this pain/sensation. If, at any time, you notice any negative thoughts or judgements coming up (e.g. “I shouldn’t be feeling this way,” “this person deserves my anger,” “I am a bad person,” etc.), gently guide yourself back to the process of sending yourself love and compassion as you process this emotion.
Journaling:
Another great technique, which fosters both self-reflection and clarity, is journaling. There are two types of journaling exercises that you might like to try!:
Freewriting: Set a timer for 15 minutes and start to write down everything and anything that comes to mind! This exercise can be a great way to understand what is going on inside.
Answering Journal Prompts: Or, perhaps you might prefer answering some defined questions! Consider taking some time to journal about the questions below:
What am I feeling?
How is this emotion affecting me?
How does this sensation feel in the body?
What can I do to release this feeling? Or, what might be the first step that I can take to start to release this emotion?
Remember that forgiveness is an act of self-care. Every time that you are able to release a feeling that is negatively impacting you, you are bringing your body more into balance.
Physical Movement:
As previously mentioned, the mind-body connection means that there is a subtle and continuous interplay between these two aspects of our being. It is with this knowledge that we can start to use physical movement as a way to help with releasing our emotions. Whether it’s dancing to our favourite song, attending an asana class (to engage in the physical postures of yoga), or participating in some other form of physical practice, movement is a great way to lower the levels of cortisol in the body, release the stress that we feel, and expel excess energy.
If you are considering yoga in particular, you might like to try:
Asana (the postures of yoga):
Consider leading your own home practice with heart-opening postures, such as…
cobra pose (bhujangasana),
puppy pose (uttana shishosana), and
camel pose (ustrasana).
Or perhaps you might try some hip-opening poses, such as…
frog pose (bhekasana),
pigeon pose (kapotasana), and
extended hand-to-big-toe pose (utthita hasta padangusthasana).
Both heart-opening and hip-opening poses are fantastic for moving stagnant energy through the body!
Pranayama (Breathwork):
Following your yoga practice with some pranayama practices, or even engaging in breathwork as a stand-alone practice, helps to calm the nervous system and cultivate empathy for yourself and others.
Consider trying out simple, 15-minute pranayama practices such as Adham Pranayama (belly breath) or Sama Vritti Breath (equal breath/ box breath/ 4/4 breath) to foster a sense of wellbeing and calm within the body. Pranayama is a tremendous tool, which can be utilized in the daily practice of forgiveness.
The breath can also be used when you engage in micro moments of mindfulness. Consider taking a few moments throughout the day to simply close your eyes and breathe. Whether this breathwork occurs while you are engaging in your day-to-day tasks or when you are participating in an activity that makes you feel impatient, the breath can help you to find a pause between an impulse to react and the reaction itself. In other words, by taking a breath before you act, you can better choose how you would like to react. Over time this practice becomes an ingrained habit, and it can work to decrease explosive outbursts and thoughtless actions whilst providing more space for calm and empathetic reactions.
Practicing forgiveness —One step at a time!:
There are many ways to start incorporating forgiveness practices in your life! Depending on how you are feeling and your current phase of life, some activities may work better for you than others. Or, sometimes you may need to have a variety of different practices, which can help you to heal the hurt that you feel and release the pain that you are carrying.
Below, are a variety of techniques, which can help with the process of letting go. You can try these strategies during a seated meditation or as you engage in physical movement with the body!:
Acknowledge your pain- Be honest with yourself about what happened, and how this experience caused you to feel resentment. How does this pain feel in the body? Are there any other sensations that arise when you think about this situation?
Take responsibility (when needed) – If applicable, acknowledge your role in what happened between you and the person for whom you are holding negative feelings. How did your past expectations and/or experiences play a part in the dynamic between you and this other individual?
Shift the focus to yourself - Think about how holding onto a grudge will affect you. Is this grudge going to occupy your mind? Will these feelings of resentment interfere with your life or take up your time? Remind yourself that forgiveness is about setting yourself free; it isn’t simply giving the other person a free pass.
Practice empathy - Consider the other person’s perspective, experiences and expectations. Most people are trying their best…even if their best doesn’t meet your expectations.
Set healthy boundaries (if necessary) – Forgiving others doesn’t mean that you’ll tolerate being hurt. Boundaries are necessary to ensure that you and the people in your life understand how to interact with each another to avoid causing more pain.
Release what is no longer needed - Let go of any expectations that you may have around receiving an apology, justice or any desired outcome from the other person. Remind yourself that this process has to do with freeing yourself, and it is no longer about the other person.
Repeat the above steps as necessary – It is important to understand that forgiveness is a practice, and as such, it needs to be repeated. Setting aside time to focus and practice forgiveness on a daily (or even weekly) basis will help you to release any new feelings of hurt that you might pick up along the way.
Forgiveness as a daily practice
Although Global Forgiveness Day only occurs once every year, it can serve as our yearly reminder to keep forgiveness in our hearts, each and every day. When we allow forgiveness to become a daily ritual, as well as part of our ongoing self-care practices, we are able to continually let go and maintain our own equilibrium no matter what comes our way.
With the benefits of regular forgiveness in mind, take a moment to identify how you’ll incorporate this practice into your routine. Whether you take time to contemplate forgiveness during your drive to work or when you are participating in a yoga practice, such as breathwork, meditation or asana (the physical postures of yoga), let this day signify a lasting change.
An invitation!
For today, allow this article to serve as invitation to start the journey towards forgiving one person and reflect on how this process feels. You can share your forgiveness journey with The Mindful Life Practice Community or comment below!
Send your stories of resilience, sobriety, mental health, yoga and more to magazine@themindfullifepractice.com!