Little Steps… From Becoming an Inner Coach to Creating an Inner Cheer Squad:
How to Cultivate Your Own Internal Circle of Support
By Jules Allan
In my last article, we met our Inner Coach, or a wiser, gentler voice that can balance out the loud and critical inner dialogue that so many of us carry. The Inner Coach reminds us that we are doing our best. This empathetic voice encourages rest, and it compassionately supports us as we respond to life’s challenges.
But what if we didn’t just have one supportive voice inside of us? What if we could create an entire inner cheerleading team? A warm and encouraging group that we can call on whenever we need it. Whether its role is to give us a much-needed boost before a presentation, assist us during a difficult moment, or encourage us to keep going when life is difficult, our inner cheer squad can provide us with the help, reassurance and comfort that we need most.
Why Inner Support Matters Just as Much as Outer Support
Whether it’s our friends, partners, coaches, therapists or peers, we all need support from the people in our lives. However, we might not always have access to those voices in the moments when we need them most. Moreover, during times when our inner critic is especially loud, it might feel hard to receive even the kindest expressions of external reassurance.
Since there are times when these outside sources of support can’t give us with what we need, it is paramount that we develop supportive inner figures. In my roles as a counsellor and a coach, I often work with individuals who have deeply embedded critical voices. These harsh inner narratives are the direct result of negative past experiences and/or critical feedback, which has been received from others throughout their lifetimes. Together, we work to explore how we might soften the harmful ways that we interact with ourselves. We also strive to develop a transformative and powerful inner cheerleading team.
“Self-compassion is simply giving the same kindness to ourselves that we would give to others.”
~Dr. Kristin NeffFrom Critic, to Coach, to Cheerleader!
I remember the first time that I tried to utilize my inner cheer squad. After a vulnerable and triggering day at work, I sat on a park bench and was feeling shaky and overwhelmed. My inner coach whispered, It’s okay. You showed up for yourself by coming here. That matters. Nevertheless, I felt as though something was missing. I decided to imagine a small gathering of people who inspire me: some were friends, and some were characters that I admired from books and films. Some were living, and some were gone. I pictured each of them, as they formed a protective circle around me. They weren’t offering advice. They just gave me encouragement. It felt as though these imaginary voices were saying, “We believe in you.”
Something in me softened. I breathed more deeply. I felt less alone.
Creating Your Inner Cheer Squad:
The following exercise is designed to help you to create your own inner cheer squad! I often introduce this practice to any of my clients who are exploring inner work and self-compassion:
Step 1: List Your Cheerleaders
Think of people (real or imagined) who inspire and uplift you. These individuals might include:
Family or friends (past or present),
public figures,
writers who resonate with you,
fictional characters,
spiritual figures,
childhood role models,
or beloved pets (yes, really!)
Step 2: Name Their Strengths
Ask yourself, “What qualities do they embody that I value?”
Step 3: Visualise the Circle
Next, picture these chosen figures gathered around you, and think about the questions below:
What are these individuals saying?
What expressions are on their faces?
What energy do they bring?
Step 4: Call on Them When You Need Them
When you are about to face something that is challenging, or if you are experiencing a hard day, pause and ask yourself:
What would my inner cheer team say to me right now?
Can the belief that they have in me provide me with more steadiness and ease?
Reflection Prompts to Deepen the Practice
Take some time to journal about the prompts below. These questions are designed to help you to reflect more deeply about how you can create your own supportive inner team!:
Who has encouraged me (even in subtle ways) throughout my life?
What kind of support feels most healing to me: quiet presence, gentle reassurance, or enthusiastic celebration?
When I imagine a circle of cheerleaders, who shows up?
How does my body respond when I feel supported from the inside?
This practice isn’t about avoiding reality or pretending that everything is fine. On the contrary, this practice allows us to build an inner foundation of encouragement, which serves as an antidote to our internalised criticism or self-doubt.
Psychotherapist and trauma specialist Dr. Janina Fisher writes,
“When we help clients build an internal team of allies, they begin to feel safer inside their own skin.”Once we realize that we aren’t limited to only internalising our inner critics, and we start to internalise voices that are compassionate and encouraging, something changes. We stop waiting for others to tell us that we are “enough,” and we start to give ourselves permission to grant that feeling of “enoughness” to ourselves.
From Self-Criticism to Self-Celebration
Many of us were taught to be motivated by self-criticism, as it can motivate us to push through difficult tasks, strive under pressure and develop perfectionistic tendencies. However, research shows that self-compassion –rather than self-judgement –is the key to lasting resilience. Your inner cheerleaders don’t need you to be perfect; they just want to cheer for you and support you. In your hardest moments, they want to remind you that you are doing better than you think.
As author Anne Lamott writes,
“Lighthouses don’t go running all over an island looking for boats to save; they just stand there shining.”You, too, can shine for yourself –not by doing more, but by cheering for yourself, gently, consistently, and with deep kindness. Next time your critic says, “You’re not enough,” perhaps your inner circle can gently respond, “Oh, but you are. And we’ve got you.”
About Jules: Jules Allan offers compassionate, inclusive support, integrated counselling, coaching, somatic practices, accessible yoga, and workshops in wellbeing and writing.
She is the founder of The Recovering Space and Co-Founder of The Slow Collective Practice.
Instagram: @julescreatingwellbeing